I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
