Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
