"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
