Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i think im in europe. pls send help
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
