You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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