The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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