in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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