Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
