I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The uberlube is also flammable
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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