jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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