the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
