he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
