Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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