she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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