Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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