i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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