with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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