At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
