so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
