Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
