dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
