I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
