it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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