Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
