I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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