nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
