is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
