youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
