I am in a vortex of obligation.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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