He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
