every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
