i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
