lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
