help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
