I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
