she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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