i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
