White coat. Heels.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
