I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
