Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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