Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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