Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
