I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
