We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
