This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
