At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
