I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
