So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
