i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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