maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
