So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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