dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
